Q. My wife's insecurities make her brag when she is around her family. She is a kindhearted and giving person but when her sisters and she get together which is often they get into this tiresome game of one-upmanship. My wife turns into a different person. She shows off and boasts and even tries to drag me into it bragging about things about me that I would rather keep private. I have tried to talk to her about this but she just doesn't see it. I don't know how to handle this anymore.

A. Does she not see she's doing it? Not see how it bothers you? Or maybe not care either way?

At some point, her braggadocio with her sisters, though irritating, veers outside the realm of what you reasonably should have say over (yeah, I can see the "It's none of his business" comments now!). But when it directly involves you, like sharing your information in a way you're not comfortable with, you have a right to be heard.

Focus on that as a concrete example. Don't psychoanalyze her and make it about her "insecurities," but rather explain that you simply don't like feeling like artillery in a war of one-upmanship. "It felt weird for me to be brought into the conversation in that way; I'd really rather be kept out of the fray."

My guess is this dynamic runs decades deep, so it may be tough for you to make headway in helping her change it, especially if she's not on board. You might get more satisfaction finding ways to get your own distance from these brouhahas, logistically and mentally.

Q. I have suffered from panic attacks since I was a child. In college I was put on medication for anxiety, and I am now 27. The medication has helped a bit over the years, but I am hoping to go off of it soon (for many reasons). Is it a bad idea to do this on my own? I know I should probably see a therapist, but I also feel like I could wait and see (money and insurance are an issue) and seek it out if things get bad.

A. No two people with panic attacks are alike just like no two people with vintage brooch obsessions and so I don't want to pretend to know exactly what combination of physiology, environmental conditioning and overall emotional factors make up your particular case. But whoever prescribes the medication should also supervise your coming off it, since there may be things to keep an eye on, depending on the med.

Also, if you've never had cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) before for your panic attacks or anxiety, you may very well find them helpful. And they could particularly be useful during the transition off the medication. A skilled CBT or ACT therapist who specializes in anxiety and panic treatment can help teach you tools to better manage the panic in the moment in physiological, cognitive and emotional ways.

Some therapists have sliding scales, and some training programs have low-cost therapy. Look around and see what may be possible for you.

Bonior is a licensed clinical psychologist.

Read more:
How can I get my wife to stop her tiresome bragging? - The Oakland Press