Reen Rose -Jan 26, 2020 / 11:00 am | Story:275523

Photo: Stefania Stani/flickr

Do you talk to yourself? I do.

Let me clarify. I dont have conversations where I ask questions and then answer them. I verbally process my thoughts.

It isnt a behaviour I developed consciously. It wasnt until my siblings teased me about it that I became aware of its existence. It tends to happen when I am frustrated, annoyed, or trying to work through a problem.

I have been teased for decades that this is the first sign of madness, and for many years, I tried to hide this habit from others.

When I was at university in Victoria, I found a mirror that said, You can talk to me now. No ones looking.

I bought it and proudly hung it in my room for all to see. It provided me with a huge sense of relief.

Whether the creator intended to mock rather than console didnt matter. To me, the mirror unveiled the possibility that other people talked to themselves, too. I wasnt alone.

Ive become more comfortable over the years about owning who I am. I dont try to hide my personal conversations the way I once did. It helps that anyone who passes me in the car probably assumes I am talking on the phone, not to myself.

Despite this increase in self-acceptance, I felt comforted when I stumbled on an article called, The Neuroscience of Everybodys Favourite Topic. (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-neuroscience-of-everybody-favorite-topic-themselves/)

What is your favourite topic to talk about? You!

According to the research outlined in this article, when you are having a conversation, about 60 percent of what you say will be about you.

That statistic rises to 80 percent if you are communicating on social medial.

The researchers from the Harvard University Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Lab wanted to see what parts of the brain became active when subjects talked about themselves rather than about other people.

They discovered that talking about yourself activates the same areas of the brain as sex, cocaine, and good food.

You talk about yourself because it feels good.

They took these findings one step further. Does someone need to be listening to you when you talk about yourself, for it to be a pleasurable experience?

As a self-proclaimed self-talker, this caught my attention. Do I get subconscious pleasure from my verbal processing even though no one is listening to me? Im certain my topic is almost always me.

The same process as before was repeated with one difference. This time some of the responses would be shared and some would be kept private.

Each participant brought a friend or relative with them. These companions were put in an adjoining room.

Before subjects were asked questions about themselves or others, they were told whether their response would be live broadcast to the person they brought with them, or kept private, even from the research team.

The results showed that both talking about yourself and sharing your response brings pleasure. It also uncovered that these are additive. The greatest enjoyment comes from talking to other people about yourself; the least from talking privately about others.

Although it isnt as high, talking privately about yourself still comes with a strong hit of pleasure. That means that private self-reflection like writing in a journal or talking to yourself are feel-good activities.

Remember that next time you need a mood boost. Get out a photo album and write, think, or talk about your memories.

Im not sure what happened to my mirror from university, but this year I bought some wall art that gave me a similar level of comfort.

Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Reen Rose -Jan 19, 2020 / 11:00 am | Story:274977

Photo: Can Pac Swire/Flickr

If you read my column regularly, you may have been wondering what happened to me last weekend. For only the second time in three years, I didnt manage to submit an article.

As I was walking my dog last Friday, I slipped on some ice and broke my ankle. After an ambulance ride and multiple hours in emergency, I was sent home with a set of crutches and the expectation of surgery.

I had a lot of time to think while I was there. The battery on my phone died while I was in the ambulance, so I didnt even have that to help distract me.

My thoughts kept returning to the crutches. They made me think about Toastmasters where unnecessary words and sounds are called crutches. They hold space while your brain decides what it wants to say next.

That may sound like a good thing, but it isnt. These words can be very distracting. A good speaker shouldnt be afraid to be silent while they are gathering their thoughts. There is no need to insert ah or like. Just pause.

There is an ah-counter who keeps track of how many crutch words you use during each meeting. In our club, you pay a penalty for these infractions.

As a result, Ive tended to view the word crutch negatively. Before I had even tried to use them, I was suspicious of the silver sticks they were sending me home with.

Why are some crutches considered good and others arent?

This is where my mind went while I sat in emergency, waiting for my turn to be sedated.

Crutches are supports. Whats wrong with being supported?

The answer may seem obvious to you, or you may not care one way or the other. Welcome to my brain. It self-entertains by pondering things like this.

Are crutches of any sort good if they are only temporary?

I dont believe anyone would want to stay dependent on physical crutches if they had a choice. They are cumbersome and slow most people down.

Mental crutches are less visible and possibly more comfortable. If youve come to rely on having a couple of drinks before going to a social event to settle your anxiety, what incentive do you have to stop?

You may not even see your behaviour as a crutch.

Awareness is the first step towards transformation. You cant change something until you recognize that it exists.

New Toastmasters often dont believe the ah-counter when they report the number of times they said ah or whatever word they rely on to buy their brain some time. Once it is drawn to their attention, it is like a curtain has been lifted. They notice each crutch word as they utter it.

It isnt until you achieve awareness that you can make changes.

The same goes with crutch behaviors. They may have crept in so quietly and so long ago, that you arent consciously aware of them.

Whether you should try to eliminate the crutches in your life or not, is not my call.

I want to encourage you to become aware of them, so you can make that decision for yourself. Are they helping, or hindering you? Be honest.

Self-awareness is an important part of conscious living. Support is necessary sometimes. Dont be afraid to ask for it. But be aware of your crutches so you know when the time is right to let them go.

Reen Rose -Jan 5, 2020 / 11:13 am | Story:273884

Photo: Pixabay

Would life be easier in January if we didnt celebrate Christmas on Dec. 25?

There is so much happening during the holiday period that it is easy to let regular life slide. January can seem overwhelming with catching up on the old and getting started on the new.

Being busy has been a topic of discussion in the work and personal development worlds for some time. Unplugging from technology and taking time for yourself are commonly advised.

I cooked, cleaned, and changed the sheets on the bed numerous times as different people arrived to stay with me over the holiday period. I played more board games than Ive done in the past several decades and basked in the love and enjoyment of family and friends.

But the experts are right. Being ultra-busy comes at a cost.

I spent much of December hiding things in desk drawers and promising myself I would deal with them in the new year. Well, the new year is here.

They are out of sight and I have lots to do without adding them to my plate.

Its time to choose. Do I pretend my slate is clean and jump into the new year, or do I open the drawers?

Most years, I let these things stay hidden for months. Im too full of enthusiasm for new projects and building a spectacular new year to give them more than a passing thought.

This approach has never ended well. At the most inopportune time, the ghost of the year past rises.

Income tax deadlines wait for no woman. Suddenly, it doesnt matter what Im in the middle of, I have to give up days of my life to sort out the mess of paperwork and receipts that I chose to ignore in January.

But not this year.

Ive decided Im going to get on top of everything from 2019 before I embrace the excitement of my new years resolutions.

Its almost like I need to put my enthusiasm for what lies ahead in a drawer instead of the paperwork that is currently there.

This goes against all my January instincts. I want to look ahead and start new projects, not look back, or in my case look into my stuffed desk drawers.

To appease my desire to embrace the new, I am giving myself a hard deadline.

Even if it means staying up all night, I will not go to bed at the end of the weekend until my accounts are up to date, the Christmas decorations are packed away into my crawl space, and I have completed the paperwork that is clogging up my desk.

I may even take time in the coming week to create some better systems and task dates to stay on top of things this year. If the experience ahead of me is bad enough, I may feel sufficiently motivated to make that happen.

It doesnt matter whether you are more disciplined than me and go into every new year with the old stuff done. This is a great time to not only set intentions for the future, but to take time to put a bow on the past.

Ive been thinking how nice it would be if Christmas was at another time of the year, but perhaps the answer is to move the new year back a week or two.

In Reens world, the beginning of January is going to be a transition period. Im going to take time to tidy up the old before jumping into the new.

At least thats my intention. Ill let you know how I make out.

Rae Stewart -Dec 29, 2019 / 11:00 am | Story:273501

Photo: Contributed

Even if you arent a fan of new years resolutions, there is a good chance that you are thinking about what you want 2020 to be like.

January seems to come with an innate desire for a fresh start.

Whether you call them goals or resolutions, setting an intention for the year ahead is helpful for all sorts of reasons, including mindfulness.

You may be a fan of the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely) goal principle. If you want to lose weight, state how much, by when, and choose an amount that you believe is doable.

There are many situations when this is the perfect strategy to use, especially in business. But let me give you an alternative approach as you enter the new year.

Rather than choosing very specific goals for 2020, try selecting a theme word.

Instead of saying you want to lose 20 pounds, decide to be guided by the word health.

I like this alternative method for setting an intention for the year because you arent attaching success to a specific outcome.

What if your regular fitness regime and healthy eating dont result in a downward trend on your scales? Does that mean your resolution failed even though your clothes fit better?

How about if your decision to learn French gets thrown aside because you elect to get your masters degree, or become a certified yoga instructor?

Your specific outcome didnt happen, but you still took on a major new learning experience.

What if you had chosen the word learning instead of setting a specific goal?

I find this system more successful because it allows you to course correct throughout the year without stubbornly holding onto something that isnt working, or getting discouraged and stopping completely.

Of course, just like SMART goals, choosing a word only works if you commit yourself to doing what it takes to turn your intention into reality.

For those of you who are interested, let me talk you through the steps.

Brainstorm some of the things you want to do, have, or accomplish in 2020.

Dont stop to judge or evaluate them. Consider all aspects of your life, not just one. Your work, home, and personal lives intertwine and overlap to an extent that you will never be able to separate them completely.

Dont rush this step. Take a few days to complete it if you need to.

Judge and evaluate the items on your list.

Choose two or three that are most important to you for the year ahead. You may find some of the things you wrote down can be combined.

Look for a central theme among your choices. Ideally, you will find one word that applies to all of them in some way.

For example, lose weight, get a new job, and take more time for yourself may fit under the umbrella theme of self-care, opportunities, or upgrade.

You want something that resonates with what you hope 2020 will hold for you.

See the rest here:
It's OK to talk to yourself - The Happiness Connection - Castanet.net