Youve memorized the curves of that face. Youd recognize that laugh anywhere. And to you, that voice makes the sweetest sound in the world.

But now its going on Week Four of the COVID-19 lockdown. Youre working from home. Your partner is working from home. The toilet paper is running low. And youre not feeling so warm and fuzzy about that face, that laugh or that voice.

Were at a place where everyone is anxious, and theyre all sharing the same space, says Dr. Katherine Hertlein, a professor in UNLVs Couple and Family Therapy program. The coping strategies that we used to use before, we dont have anymore. You cant go out shopping. You cant go to the gym. So now were stuck in the house. Weve got a very high level of anxiety, because this is really a very serious issue. So this creates challenges for some couples, because they werent aware that they were using some of those individual strategies to cope before.

Was your partner using the last of the milk really what caused you to explode? Or was it those four hours glued to CNN or reading yet another news story about COVID-19 that began to affect your attitude toward one another?

Youre upset and angry or let down by the government, your senator, your employer,and it seems out of your controlthats really just your grief, Hertlein says. You have to acknowledge the grief. Life has changed. Your world has changed. Sit in that grief.

Hertleins second tip: Recognize that everything has changed. If you go through your world and pretend like it hasnt, that tends to come out as physical symptomologyyoure getting headaches more often, your stomach is tight, your shoulders are tight. Your body is your first indicator that something is going on, and were really good at ignoring our body. So check in with your body and make sure youre feeling what you need to feel to get through each moment.

And third: You have to have some type of strategy to negotiate with your partner about the rules that have now changed.

For some couples, more time together can be no big deal. For others its a huge departure. Before playing a heated round of the blame game, sit down with your partner to make a plan. Discuss and decide: Whos in charge of the kids? Whos going to cook dinner tonight? Who gets to choose the next show to stream?

When we think about couples and change and process, we need to be thinking about the assumption of good intent, Hertlein says. What are some things where you can still look at your partner and say, They still have good intentions toward me, and I have good intentions toward my partner. You have to have this active strategy about looking for those opportunities of good intent.

Remember that your partner holds you in high regard and you hold them in high regard, and there are good intentions even if theres a misstep along the way in terms of the roles and rules and how youre going to negotiate things.

Remember, youre in this together. Take the time to laugh. Fall in love all over again with that face and look to your partner as your rock in an ocean of uncertainty.

How to defuse aheated argument

Hertlein says research shows its best to take a physical time-out. Separate from one another for at least 20 minutes to calm your physiology. Then come back to the conversation, so the partner knows you havent forgotten about them.

Where to get help

Hertlein recommends these local teletherapycounseling options:

Bridge Counseling 702-474-6450

ICLV Wellness Center 702-673-4745

Kayenta Therapy 702-438-7800

Next Chapter Therapy 702-508-5920

Pathways Therapy and Wellness Center 702-363-7284

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Together all the time: An expert's advice for maintaining a positive relationship while at home - Las Vegas Weekly