Needling your partner into buying you a frivolous gift. Acting coy to convince a coworker to do some menial task for you, even though youre more than capable of performing that task yourself. Pouting and splaying yourself dramatically across the nearest surface to get someones attention.

Chances are, youve engaged in similar indulgent behaviors. Theres even a word for this in Japanese: amae (). Amae derives from the verb amaeru () meaning to depend on others, act like a spoiled child, or presume on anothers kindness for emotional fulfillment.

Popularized by psychoanalyst Doi Takeo in the early 70s, amae has been hailed by some as the keyword explaining the Japanese psyche. Its undergone numerous dissections in both Japanese and Western academic articles and used to differentiate Japanese and Western child-rearing habits.

Is amae that unique to Japan? The short answer is no. But how and why did it become viewed as a Japanese-only concept?

Amae already existed in the Japanese lexicon prior to Dois discovery. Amai () is also common, meaning sweet, sugary, and naive, among other definitions. Its also similar to the verb amayakasu () meaning to pamper or spoil.

While Doi does point out that amae exists in other cultures, he argues that Japan is unique in having a word for it ingrained in their daily lexicon. He would be correct there. However, Doi also partly hinges his argument on the inability to translate amae into English.

Amae has morphed into other nominal forms as well. (amaenbo) describes a spoiled person or animal who constantly demands affection. Your cat begging for head scratches every fifteen minutes when youre trying to read a book is acting amaenbo. A simple YouTube search of will garner you hundreds of videos of cats, dogs, even rabbits acting amae, begging for treats or pets, much to the laughing consternation of their owners. The videos with humans feature a more intimate and playful dynamic, usually with a woman acting coquettish towards her boyfriend.

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(amae jouzu) is used to describe someone whos very good at giving puppy-dog eyes and getting others to spoil or do something for them. For example, I was very skilled at coaxing my ex to dispose of any spiders or earwigs in the apartment, even though I wasnt particularly grossed out by those insects and could do it myself.

Doi Takeo ( ) is the person credited with framing amae as a psychological phenomenon at the core of Japanese social interactions. He was a psychoanalyst and professor at the University of Tokyo. He also practiced abroad in the United States, and his various culture shocks drove him to explore what made the Japanese what they were. His work culminated in the 1971 book The Structure of Amae ( (Amae no Kozo). Dois book became a bestseller, and was translated into English in 1973 by John Bester, who rendered amae as dependence.

Doi loosely defines amae as the desire to depend and presume upon anothers love or bask in anothers indulgence. The ideal relationship to express this need is that between a parent (usually a mother) and child:

The psychological prototype of amae lies in the psychology of the infant in its relationship to its mother; not a newborn infant, but an infant who has already realized that its mother exists independently of itself [A]s its mind develops it gradually realizes that itself and its mother are independent existences, and comes to feel the mother as something indispensable to itself, it is the craving for close contact thus developed that constitutes, one might say, amae.

A child begging for a snack or story while the mother is working is an example of amae. The emotional reward is priceless and beneficial to both parties, as the child experiences a sweet sensation of being taken care of, while the mother feels needed and trusted.

Dois book may have become a bestseller, but that doesnt mean it wasnt without criticism. Some critics didnt like the vague openness of Dois definition and lack of empirical data to back his claims. Others found the book leaned too closely towards Nihonjinron (), texts that perpetuate Japans national and cultural uniqueness.

While Doi does point out that amae exists in other cultures, he argues that Japan is unique in having a word for it ingrained in their daily lexicon. He would be correct there. However, Doi also partly hinges his argument on the inability to translate amae into English. Yet translators have found suitable English counterparts, such as whining, pouting, coaxing, and sulking. Spoiling or indulging someone tends to be looked down upon in the US; the English translations thus inevitably carry somewhat negative connotations. Alternatively, a translation can be found through a combination of words, some of which Doi provides himself such as wish to be loved or dependency needs. The point remains that just because a word doesnt have an exact equivalent in another language doesnt mean its impossible to translate or doesnt exist in another culture.

With such a broad definition, amae has been used to excuse numerous behaviors and social constructs. This 2019 BBC article conflates amae with workplace sexism, citing an example of a male boss demanding his female employees serve tea. Again, thats not amae, just sexism. An example of amae within this scenario can still be found, but in order for it to be an act of amae, we would have to see the female employees beguiling their male boss into serving tea instead. A proper representation of amae is one where an individual within the subservient position is able to leverage control over one in a dominant position. The example in the BBC article merely reinforces the sexist gender roles that continue to perpetuate Japanese society.

Calling amae the foundation of all social interactions in Japan erases the myriad other ways relationships between people form.

However, acting amae in the workplace can be disadvantageous, especially if youre a woman. This incredibly sexist article laments the behavior of pampered women who hoist difficult tasks on their male coworkers who, of course, take their careers much more seriously than women do. Theres also a massive amount of articles on how to perform amae at work or in romantic relationships, and most of them are geared towards women. Amae to a certain extent falls under the umbrella of kawaii, or cute. However, articles like these enforce the idea that women have to act childish and manipulative to get their way.

Rather than an emotion, amae covers a variety of behaviors, relationships, and mutual understandings. Its also considered unacceptable to act coquettish and needy with someone who hasnt agreed to engage in that behavior. Age and social status also play a part. Id act needy to my boyfriend of two years, but I wouldnt presume to do the same with a new coworker, especially if they were younger than me. Successfully carrying out amae involves the ability to read social cues, a skill not everyone is adept at or capable of doing.

Does amae exist in other countries outside of Japan? You bet. Amae isnt unique to Japan; the only unique factor lies in how embedded amae is in the Japanese language. As many have pointed out, theres a danger in casting amae as a purely Japanese concept; doing so perpetuates the myth that Japan, and therefore Japanese people, are special. Calling amae the foundation of all social interactions in Japan erases the myriad other ways relationships between people form. It also smacks of homogeneity numerous other ethnic communities who call Japan home may not necessarily structure relationships on amae.

Recently, its been trendy for non-Japanese writers to pen pieces elucidating on a profound Japanese word (which contributed to the birth of the Japanese art of _____ meme). Fortunately, amae hasnt fallen prey to too many Western romanticizing clickbait pieces. Hopefully it stays that way.

Doi, T. (1973). The anatomy of dependence. (Trans. John Bester). Kodansha International.

Niiya, Y., Ellsworth, P. C., & Yamaguchi, S. (2006). Amae in Japan and the United States: An exploration of a culturally unique emotion. Emotion, 6(2), 279295. doi:10.1037/1528-3542.6.2.279

Read more from the original source:
The Anatomy of Stereotypes: Japan and the "Amae" Myth - Unseen Japan