Believe it or not, I work really hard at self-regulation. I realize that sometimes I people at less than an optimal level, so I have a list of daily reminders I use to keep it between the ditches of acceptable human behavior.

Each day, I go through a checklist of dozens of behaviors I should not engage in, some learned by trial and error, others by observational guess work. Some of these include:

It is not okay to offer to bat clean-up if a couple who you are friends with tells you about their struggles with infertility.

When you see couples getting wedding photos shot at Wadlington Park or Porter Park, it is not okay to shout things like, Pull them bangs down, youve got a five-head going on, Put a little tongue in that kiss, its classy! or Olympus? Real photogs shoot Canon.

It is not okay to put on a button-down shirt and a pair of khakis, go to a restaurant, and pretend to be the manager, walking from table to table asking guests about their meals and saying Well, thats servers fired! if they complain about anything.

It is not okay to greet your elders at the gym by saying, What up, Centrum Silver? They are all in better shape than you and could break you like fettuccine.

It is not okay to say, Sucker, you could totally get a new cat for $50 when someone tells you about spending hundreds on a vet bill.

When you see old acquaintances posting wedding anniversary photos online, it is not okay to comment, Jeez, if I knew your standards were that low, I would have asked you out.

When the movie theatre plays the turn off your cellphones and devices message before the film, it is not okay to jump to your feet and point to the other audience members and shout, That means you!

When someone compliments you on being a good listener, its not okay to say, Its because Im not really paying attention.

Carelessness is not an acceptable answer if a child asks you where babies come from.

While helpful, it is not socially acceptable to announce Youve got 10 seconds to get out of here, after that I make no promises, upon walking into a stall in the mens room.

Were all a little crazy. Its just how you manage it thats important.

Suggestions for further corrections to Jim Cooks behavior may be relayed to jcook@dothaneagle.com, where they will be given thoughtful consideration.

The rest is here:
Anti-affirmations, when needed - Dothan Eagle