A man whose wife found out that he'd been "sexting"sending sexually explicit text messagesto others on the Scrabble word game app during a family meal has received a storm of backlash on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.
In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum under the username stevieknits, the wife, who shares three young children with her husband, said: "Various incidences over the last 3 ish years of finding out he's [her husband's] paid for [camera] girls and OnlyFans [the subscription-based service known for offering access to adult content]...have chipped away at my trust and respect for him. The weirdest was finding out he'd been sexting on a Scrabble app."
A January 2017 study of 338 married/cohabiting individuals, published in the peer-reviewed journal Computers in Human Behavior, found that "more engagement in infidelity-related behaviors on social media was significantly related to lower relationship satisfaction, higher relationship ambivalence, and greater attachment avoidance and [attachment] anxiety in both women and men."
A separate February 2012 study in World Psychiatry stated that attachment anxiety and avoidance reflect both a person's sense of attachment security and the ways in which they deal with threats and distress.
Those who score high for either attachment anxiety or avoidance (or both) "suffer from insecurity," the study stated.
Darren D. Moore, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) based in Georgia in the U.S., told Newsweek: "I have worked with clients where this type of issue [the one in the latest Mumsnet post] has occurred...there could be a variety of reasons and this topic is often complex, potentially stemming from childhood or other things experienced in adulthood."
The wife in the latest post said her husband had been sexting on Scrabble while at a restaurant with his children and parents, noting "he had actually been sending messages during the meal sat next to his family."
The user said: "I'm realising that I don't like, trust or feel much at all for him...I don't think I have it in me to properly forgive him to the stage where I can feel things for him again...I'm struggling to contain anger and resentment at how much he has f***ed up..."
Moore said: "I do not think it is unreasonable to not trust the husband [in the latest Mumsnet post], but some of this will be based on how each individual reacts and responds to the problem.
"Trust is not only important, but critical in a marriage. Once broken, it can be hard to earn back. This may be possible if the husband is honest about any transgressions, and he makes an attempt to correct his behavior," Moore said.
Chris Parsons, a transformation coach and author of the book It Starts With You: The Secret to a Passionate Marriage & Peaceful Home (Even if Your Spouse Doesn't Want to Change) told Newsweek: "This wife is deeply hurt and currently unable to move forward. She's totally justified in those feelings, if that's where she wants to stay... And if she has no love left in her heart, and no desire to make things better, then she knows what she needs to do."
However, Parsons also noted that "typically these scenarios are not quite as one-sided as they appear. Not that this in any way makes it okay, because it doesn't, but there is always another side to the story..."
He explained: "There are almost certainly deep underlying problems in the relationship, as well as in them individually, that led to things getting to this point, and that's where the real work needs to happen."
The original poster said: "My opinion of him is rock bottom and hasn't improved one tiny bit since the day I saw his phone after the restaurant Scrabble sexting. Can it improve? Should I try harder?..."
Leanne Leonard, an LMFT from Mindpath Health (a behavioral health services provider in Dallas, Texas), told Newsweek: "All marriages are salvageable if two people want to put in the work and really love each other."
But in order for the original poster to stay in this marriage: "She needs to remember that forgiving and forgetting are two very different things."
The husband needs to seek counseling to help understand his need for this type of attention and what purpose it serves for him. "Without him truly understanding it himself, he cannot fully recommit to his wife and be trustworthy," she said.
Parsons agreed that the marriage can be salvaged, but not by "trying harder." Instead, the wife needs to "establish some healthy boundaries, to know her worth and what she will allow." This might entail setting boundaries specific to his phone, such as knowing his password and the ability to look at his phone at any time for any reason, he said.
Leonard said: "The only way to move forward in this marriage is transparency from both and a solid understanding of what rebuilding trust looks like for the woman combined with daily efforts toward achieving it by the husband."
Several Mumsnet users shared messages of support for the original poster, with several urging the wife to leave the husband.
User Wibbly1008 said: "He would be out. I couldn't have that I'm sorry, it's emotional cheating and it's disrespectful. It's the step before actually cheating and he is sending pics?!..It's better to have a short while of changes rather than a life of mistrust and regret.
User concernedalot said: "It's a massive betrayal whether it was physical cheating or not, men who do this in front of their partners/families/children get a bit of a thrill from it. It's not something I could personally work through. Virtual hug sent."
User Axahooxa said: "You should carefully make your plans to split. He would absolutely cheat on you - he has no respect for you and lacks integrity. Trust your judgement!"
WhatsitWiggle: "It sounds like you don't trust or respect him and he's making no effort to regain either. Make plans to separate. It will be tough for a while but believe me that feeling of disgust grows and spills out and your children will notice as time goes on."
Newsweek wasn't able to verify the details of this case.
Has an infidelity broken your trust in your partner? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
Continue reading here:
Spouse Urged to Dump Husband After 'Sexting' During Family Meal - Newsweek
- From smog to crime: How air pollution is shaping human behavior and public safety - The Times of India - December 9th, 2024 [December 9th, 2024]
- The Smell Of Death Has A Strange Influence On Human Behavior - IFLScience - October 26th, 2024 [October 26th, 2024]
- "WEIRD" in psychology literature oversimplifies the global diversity of human behavior. - Psychology Today - October 2nd, 2024 [October 2nd, 2024]
- Scientists issue warning about increasingly alarming whale behavior due to human activity - Orcasonian - September 23rd, 2024 [September 23rd, 2024]
- Does AI adoption call for a change in human behavior? - Fast Company - July 26th, 2024 [July 26th, 2024]
- Dogs can smell human stress and it alters their own behavior, study reveals - New York Post - July 26th, 2024 [July 26th, 2024]
- Trajectories of brain and behaviour development in the womb, at birth and through infancy - Nature.com - June 18th, 2024 [June 18th, 2024]
- AI model predicts human behavior from our poor decision-making - Big Think - June 18th, 2024 [June 18th, 2024]
- ZkSync defends Sybil measures as Binance offers own ZK token airdrop - TradingView - June 18th, 2024 [June 18th, 2024]
- On TikTok, Goldendoodles Are People Trapped in Dog Bodies - The New York Times - June 18th, 2024 [June 18th, 2024]
- 10 things only introverts find irritating, according to psychology - Hack Spirit - June 18th, 2024 [June 18th, 2024]
- 32 animals that act weirdly human sometimes - Livescience.com - May 24th, 2024 [May 24th, 2024]
- NBC Is Using Animals To Push The LGBT Agenda. Here Are 5 Abhorrent Animal Behaviors Humans Shouldn't Emulate - The Daily Wire - May 24th, 2024 [May 24th, 2024]
- New study examines the dynamics of adaptive autonomy in human volition and behavior - PsyPost - May 24th, 2024 [May 24th, 2024]
- 30000 years of history reveals that hard times boost human societies' resilience - Livescience.com - May 12th, 2024 [May 12th, 2024]
- Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes Actors Had Trouble Reverting Back to Human - CBR - May 12th, 2024 [May 12th, 2024]
- The need to feel safe is a core driver of human behavior. - Psychology Today - April 15th, 2024 [April 15th, 2024]
- AI learned how to sway humans by watching a cooperative cooking game - Science News Magazine - March 29th, 2024 [March 29th, 2024]
- We can't combat climate change without changing minds. This psychology class explores how. - Northeastern University - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- Bees Reveal a Human-Like Collective Intelligence We Never Knew Existed - ScienceAlert - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- Franciscan AI expert warns of technology becoming a 'pseudo-religion' - Detroit Catholic - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- Freshwater resources at risk thanks to human behavior - messenger-inquirer - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- Astrocytes Play Critical Role in Regulating Behavior - Neuroscience News - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- Freshwater resources at risk thanks to human behavior - Sunnyside Sun - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- Freshwater resources at risk thanks to human behavior - Blue Mountain Eagle - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- 7 Books on Human Behavior - Times Now - March 11th, 2024 [March 11th, 2024]
- Euphemisms increasingly used to soften behavior that would be questionable in direct language - Norfolk Daily News - February 29th, 2024 [February 29th, 2024]
- Linking environmental influences, genetic research to address concerns of genetic determinism of human behavior - Phys.org - February 29th, 2024 [February 29th, 2024]
- Emerson's Insight: Navigating the Three Fundamental Desires of Human Nature - The Good Men Project - February 29th, 2024 [February 29th, 2024]
- Dogs can recognize a bad person and there's science to prove it. - GOOD - February 29th, 2024 [February 29th, 2024]
- What Is Organizational Behavior? Everything You Need To Know - MarketWatch - February 4th, 2024 [February 4th, 2024]
- Overcoming 'Otherness' in Scientific Research Commentary in Nature Human Behavior USA - English - USA - PR Newswire - February 4th, 2024 [February 4th, 2024]
- "Reichman University's behavioral economics program: Navigating human be - The Jerusalem Post - January 19th, 2024 [January 19th, 2024]
- Of trees, symbols of humankind, on Tu BShevat - The Jewish Star - January 19th, 2024 [January 19th, 2024]
- Tapping Into The Power Of Positive Psychology With Acclaimed Expert Niyc Pidgeon - GirlTalkHQ - January 19th, 2024 [January 19th, 2024]
- Don't just make resolutions, 'be the architect of your future self,' says Stanford-trained human behavior expert - CNBC - December 31st, 2023 [December 31st, 2023]
- Never happy? Humans tend to imagine how life could be better : Short Wave - NPR - December 31st, 2023 [December 31st, 2023]
- People who feel unhappy but hide it well usually exhibit these 9 behaviors - Hack Spirit - December 31st, 2023 [December 31st, 2023]
- If you display these 9 behaviors, you're being passive aggressive without realizing it - Hack Spirit - December 31st, 2023 [December 31st, 2023]
- Men who are relationship-oriented by nature usually display these 9 behaviors - Hack Spirit - December 31st, 2023 [December 31st, 2023]
- A look at the curious 'winter break' behavior of ChatGPT-4 - ReadWrite - December 14th, 2023 [December 14th, 2023]
- Neuroscience and Behavior Major (B.S.) | College of Liberal Arts - UNH's College of Liberal Arts - December 14th, 2023 [December 14th, 2023]
- The positive health effects of prosocial behaviors | News | Harvard ... - HSPH News - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- The valuable link between succession planning and skills - Human Resource Executive - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Okinawa's ants show reduced seasonal behavior in areas with more human development - Phys.org - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- How humans use their sense of smell to find their way | Penn Today - Penn Today - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Wrestling With Evil in the World, or Is It Something Else? - Psychiatric Times - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Shimmying like electric fish is a universal movement across species - Earth.com - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Why do dogs get the zoomies? - Care.com - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- How Stuart Robinson's misconduct went overlooked for years - Washington Square News - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Whatchamacolumn: Homeless camps back in the news - News-Register - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Stunted Growth in Infants Reshapes Brain Function and Cognitive ... - Neuroscience News - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Social medias role in modeling human behavior, societies - kuwaittimes - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- The gift of reformation - Living Lutheran - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- After pandemic, birds are surprisingly becoming less fearful of humans - Study Finds - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Nick Treglia: The trouble with fairness and the search for truth - 1819 News - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Science has an answer for why people still wave on Zoom - Press Herald - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Orcas are learning terrifying new behaviors. Are they getting smarter? - Livescience.com - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Augmenting the Regulatory Worker: Are We Making Them Better or ... - BioSpace - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- What "The Creator", a film about the future, tells us about the present - InCyber - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- WashU Expert: Some parasites turn hosts into 'zombies' - The ... - Washington University in St. Louis - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Is secondhand smoke from vapes less toxic than from traditional ... - Missouri S&T News and Research - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- How apocalyptic cults use psychological tricks to brainwash their ... - Big Think - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Human action pushing the world closer to environmental tipping ... - Morung Express - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- What We Get When We Give | Harvard Medicine Magazine - Harvard University - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Psychological Anime: 12 Series You Should Watch - But Why Tho? - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- Roosters May Recognize Their Reflections in Mirrors, Study Suggests - Smithsonian Magazine - October 27th, 2023 [October 27th, 2023]
- June 30 Zodiac: Sign, Traits, Compatibility and More - AZ Animals - May 13th, 2023 [May 13th, 2023]
- Indiana's Funding Ban for Kinsey Sex-Research Institute Threatens ... - The Chronicle of Higher Education - May 13th, 2023 [May 13th, 2023]
- Have AI Chatbots Developed Theory of Mind? What We Do and Do ... - The New York Times - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Scoop: Coming Up on a New Episode of HOUSEBROKEN on FOX ... - Broadway World - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Here's five fall 2023 classes to fire up your bookbag - Duke Chronicle - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- McDonald: Aspen's like living in a 'Pullman town' - The Aspen Times - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Children Who Are Exposed to Awe-Inspiring Art Are More Likely to Become Generous, Empathic Adults, a New Study Says - artnet News - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- DataDome Raises Another $42M to Prevent Bot Attacks in Real ... - AlleyWatch - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Observing group-living animals with drones may help us understand ... - Innovation Origins - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Mann named director of School of Public and Population Health - Boise State University - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Irina Solomonova's bad behavior is the star of Love Is Blind - My Imperfect Life - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- Health quotes Dill in article about rise of Babesiosis - UMaine News ... - University of Maine - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]
- There's still time for the planet, Goodall says, if we stay hopeful - University of Wisconsin-Madison - March 31st, 2023 [March 31st, 2023]