4 min read

I am an Empath and I identify as an American Bengali. My family and I have always been a part of various ethnic communities and groups and have been instilled with the value of respect in Islam owed to every human being regardless of age, race, gender, status, or belief. Being born in America in a heavily-populated Middle-Eastern community while being raised with the languages of Bangla, Arabic, Urdu, Hindi, and of course English, I was always vastly intrigued by diversity, languages and the way different humans interacted with one another allowing me to have an open mind along with an accepting and approachable nature.

I have always been the one to never really fit in and tend to be the odd one out. Ive been criticized and teased for not being like the majority, for my sensitive nature, my skin tone, my heritage, for my chosen career path, and just overall unapologetically being myself. My captivation with different ethnicities led me to be shocked at the way I was negatively viewed growing up and the experiences I had no idea were in store for me. Life has consistently shocked me with the way humans, including myself, communicate, act, and react. What seemed so simple to me, seemed so different from others. What came naturally to me, came difficult to others. This led to my frustration of not understanding why people do certain things they do/say, developing my fascination with psychology and human behavior.

View this post on Instagram

Owning this voice, Leads me to own this choice. The choice to lead with grace. The choice to go at my own pace. The choice to silence every form of negativity & carry on, with my light, empathy & positivity. ? From a young age, Ive had a deep interest in the world of Psychology & its role on human behavior so I graduated with my degree in Psychology and English & then obtained my certification in Therapy. Growing up with sound morals/values & having a business-oriented mindset has allowed me to not only persevere, but overcome the countless obstacles & challenges trialed through-out lifes beautiful journey. Despite being an American-born citizen, having a Bengali heritage in a community where being South-Asian was looked down upon, I became used to being the out-cast wherever I went. I havebeen judged, harassed & have faced unspeakable discrimination & racism since my youth which continued to spiral through my teens & into my adulthood. I have been through hell & back on countless occasions since I was young; only to come back stronger each time because of the certainty I had in myself, my integrity & the life-lessons I learned along the way, all-encompassing elements of Emotional Intelligence. ? All the challenges Ive been through has allowed me to turn my MESSES into MESSAGES as Ive learned from my personal experiences, along with my professional expertise to UPLIFT & EMPOWER people to BLOSSOM from their BATTLES leading them to be their best authentic self by improving mental health through increasing their Emotional Quotient (EQ) levels by learning, developing & mastering Emotional Intelligence. ? I am SO humbled for every single one of you for joining me as I continue on this journey. Every one of you is SO special in their own way, so unique, so talented & so valuable. If you disagree, I am here to remind you of your potential. I am here to tell you, you are ALREADY enough. I am here to EMPOWER & SUPPORT you on the journey to being the best version of yourself. Thank you dearly, I look forward to sharing so much more with you all! ? Use my CODE: empathyqueen to get 30% off sitewide @thebossbabesco??

A post shared by Emotional Intelligence Coach ? (@empathyqueen) on Apr 29, 2020 at 10:07am PDT

I went to a private Islamic school for 10 years where I was an outcast due to being one of the very few desis in a school where you were often underhandedly judged or looked down upon if you were not Arab such as the majority. I often received racist and discriminatory jokes from friends when anything revolving around my culture was brought up. To this day, I remember begging my mom not to pack me biryani for lunch to avoid getting teased for being called the curry girl due to the beautiful aromatic smell of our cultures food. Why do you look like that? Why is her skin so dark? Do all desis have dark skin? Your mom is so light she looks Arab! At the time I didnt think anything of it, I just thought to myself, Why are people so focused on things that dont matter. Why are people so mean?

When I was 12 years old, my parents went through a divorce that spiraled into backlash and toxicity from the desi community my family and I were a part of due to the divorce being such a taboo topic in our culture. This led to my mother, sister and I being forced to leave Chicago and relocate to New York near relatives until things had calmed down. We moved nine times, across two different states and I changed schools two times all within a year. From one culture shock to another, this was probably one of the toughest times of my life that have really shaped my character. I was held at gunpoint in NY for refusing to show my hair to a group of guys harassing me while walking home from school calling me bald and threatening me. The racism and discrimination I experienced through life as I grew older came in different forms and spiraled more into my professional life. I have had job offers rescinded upon discovering my religious background. I have had promotions declined due to the political image that would be conveyed through having a Muslim Woman in leadership.

However, all this no longer affects me. The stares no longer bother me. The passive-aggressive comments no longer shake me. The discrimination, I have become numb to, no longer breaks me. I know my worth. I know my value. I know who I am. Ive been told to dream more realistically, Ive been laughed at when talking about my passion and have been doubted by peers, friends, family the list goes on.

My experiences in life, my religion, coupled with my educational and professional background have shaped me into a strong empath transforming my MESSES into MESSAGES as I now hold space for individuals and lead them to blossom from their battles through being a counselor/therapist and spreading kindness in my path. I have taken back control in my life by relishing in my passion through unapologetically being myself and providing service to others as I continue learning with life being the greatest teacher there can be. I am proud of the woman I am today, I am proud of my heritage, and I am grateful for the obstacles I have overcome.

It has taken me 26 years to develop, understand, and master E. I through my own experiences and traumas, coupled with my education and professional background as I continue learning through life being the greatest teacher. I am currently leading Emotional Intelligence Training in my professional work and also utilizing my talents and hobbies to help guide those who are dealing with their own struggles and searching for relief because as a true Empath, I truly understand and know how it feels to be mistreated, judged, harassed and neglected.

THAT is why I do what I do. Because I know how desperate it can feel to search for any sign of hope that things will get better. These morals and values from Islam are what has gotten me through lifes most challenging and difficult times. This piece of cloth is a statement. Its a statement that I am PROUD to be an American-Bengali-Muslim-Hijabi Woman hoping to continue building mountains high enough so the people after me can lead too.

Beneath every behavior, there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling, is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom. Sometimes, good hearts choose poor methods. Through judging, we separate. But through understanding, we C-O-N-N-E-C-T.

Tarmim Khan is a first-generation American Bengali woman who has transformed her messes into messages spreading kindness through being a Behavioral Therapist/Counselor and leading Emotional Intelligence training in her community. Tarmim uses her talents and hobbies to guide people who are looking to improve their mental health and blossom from their battles by raising awareness through the concept of EI.

View post:
The Power of Empathy as Told by the Empathy Queen - BrownGirlMag