Relationships changed in 2020. How, when, where, and why we interact changed, as well as what we talk about and do together. Of course, some of these changes are due to the outbreak of a deadly and contagious global pandemic, but other were a long time coming. Weve moved on from the Industrial Revolution, but many of our ways of being at work and at home have not. Children born in each subsequent year are native to ever-more technologies for communication and otherwise that are evolving at an ever-increasing rate. Social dynamics have pushed equity and justice to their right position front of mind, across racial, physical and mental ability, economic, geographic, gender, sexuality, political, and other divides.

Some of these changes, like social distancing and remote work have been largely adopted, at least in some communities. Others, like equitable hiring and just access to healthcare, remain very much aspirational. We all have a lot to do in catching up with these changes and being part of, or even accelerating the healthier, more equitable, just, inclusive, and sustainable way of interacting that is possible.

Making these changes offers massive rewards for us as individuals, as well as the teams and communities were part of, and the people and planet around us more broadly. Those who do will emerge as the trusted, innovative, and resilient leaders who will win customers, employers, and investors in the next chapter. To say nothing of being happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. But it is effortful to change in these ways it requires hard, deep, and lifelong work. Some have compared it to the labor of birth, or a caterpillars transformation in the cocoon.

Caterpillars retreat to a cocoon to liquefy and rebirth themselves as butterflies.

So how do we change the way we relate to each other, at work and in our lives, to be healthier, more equitable, just, inclusive, and sustainable? The prerequisite foundation is improving our relationships with ourselves. We must take the time to understand our unique way of being how do we think, what do we need to recuperate, who do we benefit from spending time with, when do we focus best, or not at all. We can also learn how to best care for ourselves through the universal elements of human experience, including grief, joy, shame, pride.

Evolving our relationship with ourselves in this way is the only path to upgrading our relationships with other people to the level called for in a healthier version of capitalism. Reverend angel Kyodo williams put it clearly in a conversation with Krista Tippett: To transform as a society we have to allow ourselves to be transformed to be transformed as individuals. And Jerry Colonna says, to lead means to be a better person, or more succinctly: better humans make better leaders.

OK, so we have to transform into better humans. Is that all it takes to build the relationships required for an economic system that works for everyone? Well, no, there are a lot of policy, organizational, and interpersonal shifts that will be required. But if when we each do the work required to be our best selves, those policy changes are a lot more likely come up on the legislative agenda and get passed. CEOs and line managers will design meetings and hiring processes and performance management systems that recognize the power of diversity for their teams performance. Because very few humans on the face of this Earth, in their best selves, want to eradicate polar bears or perpetuate racist or misogynistic workplaces. But we are doing both of those things in our current status quo because we have allowed media, habits, inertia, and fear to prevent us from uncovering and acting on our true best selves.

There are lots of how-tos out there about becoming your true or best self. Which is a good thing, because it is a very personal process that each of us do somewhat differently. But its also important to recognize a point raised by Brene Brown in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, which is that knowing the steps to do something is not sufficient to make it happen. There are things that get in the way, and prevent us from doing things even when we want to do them and know how to do them.

Most human behavior is aimed at keeping us safe and/or making us feel loved or respected. And doing things differently is not generally associated with safety or celebration. So our natural drive for safety and acceptance prevent us from making the changes necessary to work and live in a way thats healthier, more inclusive, equitable, just, and sustainable.

Jerry Colonna emphasizes Growing Up as the key to effective leadership.

In a recent webinar, Colonna identified a critical element of shifting the way we

interact, so that we could achieve this new way of relating. Someone has to go first. Theres a bit of a prisoners dilemma here, in that we now have the research and experience to know a lot of the ways of relating that would be conducive to healthier, more inclusive, equitable, just, and sustainable teams and organizations. But we remain humans, with innate drives to stay safe and loved. So we are loathe to change our behavior.

What is required, Colonna said, is that someone go first. He suggests that those of us who have some kind of status power age, seniority, race, title be the one to take the risk of acting differently, since it is not actually risking our safety or loved-ness at all in that context. This might be at home, in your office, with friends, or on a board or committee where you serve. And the issue might be a trivial one that joke was offensive to me or strategic we have to remove our preference to hire Ivy League graduates. The important thing is that you recognize a source of power that is keeping you safe, and then take the not-so-significant risk to interact differently.

And of course, keep doing the work on yourself, toward recognizing the truth that you can be safe and loved, even if you choose to relate to other people differently, and indeed making those changes will improve your well-being, performance, and life satisfaction.

Email us for a free worksheet to think about how and why you might want to go first in 2021. And read more about how to connect your mundane daily habits to larger purpose here.

Do you want to be a butterfly enough to enter a cocoon?Do you dare be the first to go in?

Link:
Use Your Power To Go First And Change The Way We Work And Live - Forbes